worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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