Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
