I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
