i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
