So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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