It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
