i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
