i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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