wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
