Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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