she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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