My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
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