I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
