Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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