Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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