how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
