you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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