Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
