Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
