I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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