Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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