I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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