i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
