her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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