You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
