i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
