Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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