Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
