Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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