dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
