did you get engaged???
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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