Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
