I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
