apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
