Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
