I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
