p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
