Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
