At least make sure they are 18
Why
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
