so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
