I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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