I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
