So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
