so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
