I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
