He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
