I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
