I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just had sex bonerless
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
