call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
