The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I had to cum in my sink.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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